


Shitpeaks academy

by Ce0_0f_em0



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Chaotic shitpost, I hope?, I wasn't joking, Jesus is a vaild character and also a pothead, Multi, Other, The kids go to a christian school, based off a true story, its only like that for the shitpost purposes, jokefic, trust me it gets better, very gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:27:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23118460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ce0_0f_em0/pseuds/Ce0_0f_em0
Summary: When Nagito finds himself entering a new part of his christian school, he realizes that grade 10 only gets weirder from here, especially when your best friend and maybe crush looks like a cursed sonic Oc.Join nagito as he tries to live through some weird situations, oh my god wait is that a hatsune miku pillow? WHAT ARE YOU DOING-Jokefic, but I'll try to do my best with writing.
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito, Koizumi Mahiru/Saionji Hiyoko, Mioda Ibuki/Tsumiki Mikan
Comments: 16
Kudos: 57





	1. Hell has an introduction section? Who knew

Nagito entered his new class. This was his junior year, and he was ready for the stress of life to completely fuck him over, if his luck didn’t do that first.  
He sat down in his brown desk in the middle of the class. Yeah, this fucking sucked.  
He recognized some of the kids from the assembly in the gym. Was it a gym? Who knew.  
There was, dude who looked like he got thrown into a bucket of pink paint, local furry, that princess, hedgehog looking ass, and pervert. The funniest part about this situation is that he knew half of these kids since freshman year, did that keep him from instantly forgetting their names? Nope.  
Nagito weighed his choices before deciding to talk to sonic kid, what was his name though fr he wondered. 

‘’Hello? Is there something you want?’’ Sonic asked him, fiddling with his tie.  
‘’To be dead, but also to know your name.’’ Nagito joked as he threw up finger guns.  
‘’Ay, It’s Hajime Hinata.’’ Hajime the sonic oc told him, throwing up finger guns as well.  
‘’Has anyone ever told you that you kinda look like a sonic oc?’’ Nagito told him, plopping down in the seat beside him.  
‘’Has anyone told you that you look like the kind of person that looks at inflation art on deviantart?’’ Hinata snapped at him, patting down his messy brown hair.  
‘’I know I’m trash, but I can’t believe you would really drag me that low.’’ Nagito said, pretending to be offended. 

‘’Where the hell is the teacher?’’ Pink hair asked, getting up from his seat.  
‘’It’s only been five minutes.’’ Some red haired girl replied, messing with the camera around her neck.  
Two minutes later the same girl opened her mouth.  
‘’It’s been seven minutes since class started and I’m already pissed off, write this down hiyoko it’s a new record.’’ prompting to get twintails to write down something on a piece of paper, that must be hiyoko.  
‘’I suggest we use dark forces to summon the mighty beast.’’ Local furry told them, holding out an orange hamster in his hand. 

‘’Or we could just ask.’’  
‘’Yeah that too.’’ 

The door of the classroom slammed open, speak of the devil and she will come.  
That was his teacher of course, ms yukizome with her silly orange hair.  
Behind her were several more of his supposed classmates, meaning she must’ve been on a manhunt. Relatable in a sense. 

‘’Alright, everyone in their seats.’’ She said with a blank expression. It was such a passive aggressive tone that Nagito found himself moving back to his original seat. 

Once everyone was seated she began speaking again.  
‘’I want all of you to break the ice, meaning everyone will stand up and introduce themselves, after they introduce themselves they can sit back down.’’ The teacher yapped.  
Time to break the ice, but climate change suggested there wasn’t going to be anymore ice to break anyways. Good news for the titanic 0.2 but bad news for everyone who wants to live. Thankfully that wasn’t Nagito, especially not him actually when the teacher picked him to go first.

‘’I’m Nagito Komaeda and you’re watching disney channel. Also I’m the ultimate lucky student.’’ He said awkwardly, his voice cracking in between each vowel.  
You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me, he thought as he sat down.

‘’I’m Chiaki Nanami, and I’ve drank three energy drinks since being here, I’m the ultimate gamer.’’ Chiaki, who stood next to Hajime said before sitting down. 

‘’I’m Kazuichi soda and I’m literally just vibing dude as the ultimate mechanic.’’ Kazuichi exclaimed, plopping down into his chair. 

‘’I am Sonia Nevermind, Princess of the kingdom of Novoselic but refer to me as Sonia or I will have to ‘’delete your xbox profile.’’ Sonia said with a grim smile on her face.

Nagito repressed a shudder as he listened to Teruteru the ultimate cook’s introduction, trying not to facepalm himself into next year. 

‘’IBUKI HAS SNORTED KOOL AID AND IS READY TO GET LIT! IBUKI IS THE ULTIMATE MUSICIAN!” A girl, presumably Ibuki screamed. Jesus christ on a stick that was loud. 

‘’I’m Mahiru Koizumi, the ultimate mom, also known as the ultimate photographer.’’ Mahiru told the class, it was the same girl that was pissed off from earlier. 

‘’I’m Hiyoko saionji and I’m your ultimate freestyle dance teacher.’’ Hiyoko said, trying to do a fortnite dance before Peko, the ultimate swordswoman jabbed her in the leg. 

‘’I’m Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu, the ultimate Yakuza, call me boss baby and you lose living privileges.’’ Fuyuhiko told the class.

‘’I’m Hajime Hinata, and who said living was a privilege?’’ Hajime said before sitting down in his desk. 

Nagito rested his head on the desk in front of him. He’d hear their names again later, so it didn’t matter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter to introduce the characters :P  
> I promise the next chapter will introduce some shenanigans!!  
> Also, if you want to see more stuff from me, please tell me :)!, Or don't, *sniff* I don't need the validation of strangers on the internet.... 
> 
> PLEAS-


	2. Following the bible, a step by step tutorial by a flaming homosexual

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did not spellcheck, Sorry if there are any mistakes! I'll fix em later!

The world worked against Nagito, he had known it for a while. 

The young, flaming homosexual (but still in the closet, so more of a dim flame than a blazing star) had first known that when he was told of the only school in the area, hopezpeakz was christain. 

‘’I’ll just make everyone there gayer overtime,’’ He told himself, and that was true. Three feet within reach of nagito and you’d be confronted with very conflicting thoughts.

Nagito rounded the corner to his first bible class, ah yes, the word of god.

‘’The world is mine,’’ Hatsune miku- 5;38 or however those chapters work.

The teacher's name? Insect vinegar, well not really, his first name was something like tony, not that he was actually listening.  
He had better things to think about, like animal crossing new horizons or how to get Hajime to dress up as sonic and say ‘’rawr xD’’  
Yeah, much better, important things.

He plopped down into the front row of yellow tables, the tables had four seats at each one, suggesting actual teamwork. 

Shit, Nagito might actually have to participate. 

The class divided themselves among the six tables, Nagito finding himself sitting at a table with Hajime, Souda, and Fuyuhiko. 

Vinegar stood at the front of the class, his back leaning on a whiteboard.

‘’First things first, let’s review something not everyone might know about, but it does exist.’’ Vinegar said, turning to write something on the board. 

‘’Guess this isn’t my will to live then.’’ Hajime whispered to the table.

‘’Or my father’s love, lol.’’ Souda stated, causing the three to look over at him in concern.

‘’You good?’’ Fuyuhiko asked, awkwardly patting his back.

‘’No.’’  
Nagito looked back at the board, the words LGBT on the board.

Fuck.

‘’This is a small community, most likely you won’t even see an LGBT member in public-’’

‘’Sir, no offense, but I see at least five right now, think you need your eyes checked.’’  
Teruteru called from the back.

‘’Name them then.’’

‘’I’m betting, Hiyoko, Mahiru, Ibuki, Souda, and Nagito.’’ Teruteru guessed, pointing directly at Nagito.

‘’That’s not true, I li-like m-m, can’t even say it.’’ Mahiru said defeated. 

‘’We are on two different spectrums and I can’t even say it sometimes.’’ Nagito sighed, looking at Hajime mid yawn.

‘’...ANYWAYS, Did you know that the bible says adam and eve?’’ Mr, vinegar, or as Nagito was starting to believe, Mr shithead asked.

‘’Ibuki follows the bible! She does both!’’ Ibuki screeched from her seat.

‘’MISS MIODA!’’ The teacher fumed. 

‘’That is Ibuki’s last name! But soon it will be your mothers too!’’ Ibuki giggled. 

‘’Go outside.’’ 

‘’Okie dokie!’’ 

‘’So is there a gay meeting outside or what?’’ Hiyoko asked with her hand up, for some reason.

‘’That’s enough, anymore out of term talking and you will be sent outside.

‘’Damn.’’ Nagito whispered, loud enough for the whole class to hear.

‘’Nagito, outside.’’

‘’Aye aye captain.’’ Nagito whispered, this time under his breath as he stood up and marched towards the door.

‘’I can’t hear you.’’ The teacher said, tapping his ear.  
Nagito’s eyes lit up, his smile curving upwards.  
‘’Aye Aye captain.’’ He whispered again, slightly louder.

The teacher had just said uno, but the truth was, Nagito had been playing go fish the entire time. The ball was in his court, the power in his hands. What a fool the teacher had been. An absolute idiot.

He turned from the door, sending a nod over in Mahiru and Hiyoko direction before winking at Souda. 

Nagito bent backwards, his head facing upwards as he prepared to screech. 

‘’OOOOOOOOOOO” He screeched, his lungs burning as he leaked oxygen like a deflated balloon. 

Thankfully, he wasn’t the only one, Souda, Mahiru, and Hiyoko joining in after a second of realization. 

‘’Outside! All four of you, seperate walls.’’ Mr shithead said, pinching his head with his fingers in frustration. 

Nagito smiled, opening the door and stepping outside into the gray hallway as the others trailed behind him.

‘’Wow, they really let anyone in here,’’ Ibuki said with some sort of posh accent. 

‘’Talk about anyone, Nagito looks like he works night shifts at mcdonalds.’’ Hiyoko snickered, pointing to his pale face.

‘’Welcome to mcdonalds, can i take your order?’’ Nagito spoke into his hand as he leaned against the cold wall.

‘’No.’’ Mahiru deadpanned, pretending to drive away in a car.

‘’Hey, how long have we been out here?’’ Souda asked, as he sat against the wall. 

‘’Like five minutes, why?’’ Mahiru asked, looking down at her watch.

‘’I have to steal something from the teacher before they read it and I get sent to the principal again.’’ Souda explained, putting his pointer fingers together, in the shy pose.

‘’What did you do this time.’’Hiyoko rolled her eyes, Nagito doing the same.  
‘’During lunch the other day, teruteru asked me to play truth or dare with him, Sonia, Peko and Kokichi.’’ 

‘’My son-’’ Nagito interrupted. 

‘’Yes, that kokichi, and they dared me to write chris martin fanfiction, eh however,-’’ 

‘’Souda, you didn’t.’’

‘’Ibuki, I did. I accepted it, but just as I said that they said that the twist was that it was supposed to be about his really long feet and the longing to touch them. And because I have no sense of self preservation, I accepted anyway. It was 500 words long.’’ Souda explained.

‘’What did you write it on?’’ Nagito asked him. 

‘’A notepad paper, it's small, but as I went to pass it to them, the teacher took it and said they’d read it later. She put the paper in her desk drawer.’’ Souda told Nagito who nodded.

‘’On a one to ten scale, how sexual is it?’’ Hiyoko asked with a curious tone.

‘’At least a seven dude, she’s gonna kill me.’’ Souda panicked, raising his voice slightly.

‘’What class?’’ Mahiru asked. 

‘’English, Ms Jonathan.’’ Souda told her.

‘’Oh you’re dead.’’ Nagito hummed, nodding his head.

Ms Jonathan was the type of woman that wouldn’t ask for the manager, but instead the manager would specifically come to her just by the look on her face. She wouldn’t know how to take a joke even if it came with twenty dollars attached.

‘’Which is why i’m stealing it back.’’ Souda mentioned in a hushed tone.

‘’Be gay, do crimes! Ibuki will help you!’’ Ibuki cheered from the corner. 

‘’Me too, you’ll need help trying to pick that lock.’’ Nagito mentioned.

‘’You can pick locks?’’ Souda asked, surprised.

‘’No, but I’m pretty sure I can just bullshit anything and it’ll work.’’ Nagito shrugged.

‘’Then it’s settled, Hiyoko and I will be on the lookout.’’ Mahiru said.  
‘’When though?’’ Ibuki asked, whispering.

‘’Why not right now? She’s teaching workshop in another class, and there’s no one in there right now.’’ Hiyoko suggested.

They nodded in agreement.

‘’I’ll stay here, in case the teacher comes to get us, If I shout then you’ll know it’s time to run.’’ Mahiru told them.

Nagito ran down the hallway, his long legs giving him space between him and the others as they ran to the abandoned class.

Carefully, he peaked in, but Hiyoko was right. Nobody was there.

He opened the door, that for an alarming reason was unlocked unlike usual but he shrugged it off.

Souda and Hiyoko fell in behind him, sneaking into the dark classroom.

Hiyoko stood by the door, giving them a thumbs up, as if telling them the coast was clear.

Souda crept towards the desk, reaching out to the first brown drawer.

‘’This is the one,’’ Souda whispered to Nagito as he tried to open it.

It was locked, but Nagito brought a small paperclip with him.

‘’Are you sure this is going to work?’’ Souda asked nervously.

‘’Do I look like I’ve ever done this before? Don’t answer that,’’ Nagito told him.

He entered the tip of the paperclip into the lock, wiggling it around after a while. 

Nagito’s luck finally came through, opening the drawer. 

There it was, the white notepad paper sitting at the bottom of it.

Souda picked it up before he closed the drawer again.

‘’C’mon, let’s go.’’ He said to Nagito, who stood up from his crouched position.

They went back to Hiyoko, who asked in a quiet whisper ‘’Got it?’’, they nodded.  
Carefully, all three exited the classroom before closing the door and booking it down the hallway.

The teacher never noticed they left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is based on a true story~
> 
> Also sorry if the whole bible conversation was edgy, but this is a genuine conversation that our teacher tried to have with us explaining the LGBT+ community, in all the wrong ways.
> 
> And yes, I did write a Chris martin feet fanfiction on a dare, yes I still have the file.  
> Have a goodnight!


	3. Lunch time woes and banishment from this mortal realm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to Rossini!! if your reading this ty for the sweet messages :) i appreciated it alot and definitely needed the reassurance :D!!!
> 
> Also i DID NOT do any spell checks so goodluck

Hajime snickered as he held the paper in his greasy hedgehog hands.

‘’This is the secret horseman of the apocalypse god didn’t want us to hear about,’’   
‘’Hatsune Miku would never lie to us, stop spreading blasphemy Hajime.’’ 

‘’The world has to know, Kokichi come get your rat ass over here!’’ Nagito called over his son, who came bouncing evilly over to the lunch table. 

‘’Announcer voice?’’ Kokichi asked, a signature grin coming up to his face, a face that a mother could love, but she probably chose not too for personal reasons.

‘’You know it.’’ 

‘’Ahem, everyone shut the hell up, okay, here I go,’’ He inhaled a deep breath.

‘’Gentle wind pushed back against his smooth neck, the dim light of the moon highlighting his throat. His ocean eyes revealed an everlasting secret, a whisper so quiet the wind could not carry it further. ‘’Toes,’’ I plead desperately in an attempt for redemption, and in my deepest luck there was mercy in his eyes. He nodded curtly, his shoulders shaking as he took a deep breath of the night air. He turned to face me, his face scrunched in concentration and the slightest piece of fear. He lifted his long leg onto the wooden table, but I was no longer focused on the leg. ‘’May I?’’ my cold lips pleaded, the words barely rolling off my tongue. Chris lets out a shaky breath, the cold room seeming colder than it had ever been before. The blonde's head nodded slowly, his body trembling. My hand slowly made its way to his shoe, anticipation flowed through me like a rushing stream. I lift his foot gently out of it, pushing the shoe off the table. He hadn’t been wearing socks, as if he had prepared for the day of wreckoning.  
‘’You’ve prepared for me, I see that well and clear.’’ I whispered, moving my mouth closer to the foot- Yo who the hell wrote this?’’ Kokichi asked, snapping out of his posh accent.

‘’It was Souda’s fault.’’ Hiyoko pointed to the disaster across from them, whom had his head in his hands.

‘’Why did you stop reading Kokichi? It was interesting.’’ Mahiru asked, but from the smirk the redhead had on her face, she already knew.

‘’Yeah! Ibuki INSISTS that you continue!’’ Ibuki screeches, dunking her goldfish into yogurt like some sort of demon child.  
‘’Well unless you want to read another page of someone deep throating a giant toe like the world depended on it I suggest you ask someone else, like my dear Kaede,’’ Just as he said her name the girl appeared, like an angel, but also slightly terrifying.

‘’I heard my name? Anything I can do to help?’’ Kaede asked with a bright smile on her face, but you could tell behind the eyes there was her signature ‘’please don’t ask’’ look. 

Nagito, however, did not care. LOL. 

‘’Yeah, we were just wondering if you could finish reading this for us? Kokichi keeps complaining his throat hurts.’’ Nagito asked her, an innocent smile on his face.

‘’Sure! Where did you stop?’’ She asked Kokichi, who pointed at the second paragraph.  
She put on a happy smile, beginning to read.

‘’I gently wrapped my mouth around the tender flesh, the warmth of my mouth heating up his skin like a heater in the dead of winter. Chris groaned, his slender fingers trailing up to his sneaker. I looked up from the toe to his face- What the fuck is this shit?’’ Kaede asked, all amusement draining from her voice.

‘’Toe smut, Souda wrote it.’’ Hajime told her, slurping his orange juice loudly.

Kaede nodded, skipping towards Souda from the other end of the table.

‘’Excuse me? May I ask a question?’’ she asked, with a soft smile on her face.

‘’Go ahead, I have nothing to lose.’’ Souda groaned, picking up his head from the table.

‘’Are you fucking insane?’’ She asked, but it was obvious she wasn’t looking for an answer as she turned around and walked back to her table.

‘’Good job, you made the nicest girl in the school hate you.’’ Hiyoko snickered as she drank her juicebox.

‘’Gasp, I thought I was the nicest.’’ Mahiru gasped, dramatically as she said the word.

‘’You once told me that I looked like a rejected kindergartener, and that it was supposed to be a compliment, Mahiru.’’ Hiyoko deadpanned. 

‘’Oh, yeah I forgot haha.’’ 

‘’Hey Nagito, what’s our next class?’’ Hajime asked as he chewed on his paper straw (Sonia bullied him over xbox live about turtles for a week before he gave in, screw Chiaki for teaching her the message system)

‘’Career education.’’ Nagito groaned.

Career education is the worst class, by far, and if you disagreed, well then you were wrong.   
The idea of the course was to force teenagers to think about their future, and then crush what little dreams they had left for it. 

When Nagito was in sixth grade he realized this fact, when in class he laughed.   
Maybe I should rephrase that, he laughed at a mistake his teacher made, misspelling persuasive. It had only been a slight chortle, but the teacher screamed as if the lord's trumpets had gone off and he had been told that the children had to walk in a straight line if he didn’t want to go to hell. The teacher confessed in those screams that Nagito could never be a writer if he couldn’t spell properly (assuming he hadn’t been the one that made the mistake, but he corrected it later.) Perhaps he was right.

Persuasion had never been a part of career education that Nagito would ever take seriously, him? Persuade someone into hiring him? That’s a new one.

Nagito looked like he crawled out of the sewer as a slightly sick, wet child, so who could be a better representative of a company then him? 

Except an actual living rat, or Kokichi at this point.

He groaned as he picked up his dark binder off the lunch table, following hajime to the class.

Nagito sat down at one of the small desks, this time only fitting two people.

He watched as hed-HAJIME sat down with the much smaller girl chiaki who looked like she hadn’t seen the sunlight in days.

‘’C-can I sit here?’’ Nagito turned from the aisle and looked over to the other side of the table where Mikan was standing.

‘’Uh yeah sure.’’ He said awkwardly as he opened his binder.

‘’D-do you think that um…’’ She trailed off for a second, allowing him to intervene. 

‘’Hm? Think what?’’ He asked the shy girl with a soft smile on his face.

‘’D-do you t-think that the teacher will be a bitch?’’ She asked, the words basically impaling nagito as if he were some type of popsicle. 

She was definitely not as shy as Nagito expected that was.

Five minutes after class began a woman in her late forties made her way to the whiteboard in front of them.  
‘’Ok Class, as you may or not know, my name is Mrs.Brett and I will be your teacher this year.’’ 

The teacher told the class, but Nagito wasn’t listening, instead looking over at what Mikan was writing on a paper.  
Noticing him looking, she passed him the paper.

‘’Hey do you know scooby doo?’’ He read quietly off the paper, grabbing his pencil he scribbled down a quick response.

‘’Yeah? What about it.’’ Nagito passed back the paper to Mikan, looking back up at the teacher who was looking at him at the corner of her eye suspiciously.

She stuck her tongue out as she wrote a fast response, barely lifting her pencil off the paper before passing it back to him.

‘’Mrs. Brett kinda be looking like a shaggy cosplayer,’’ It said, which took Nagito a second but as he looked up at the teacher in a green shirt and cargo pants he snickered.  
Unfortunately, it wasn’t as quiet as he thought it was.

‘’Now in my class, whenever someone gets caught with notes they must read it out in front of the class, Nagito. I see that lovely little paper in your hand. Why don’t you share it with the class?’’ The teacher asked, but you know with teachers they aren’t really asking you.  
‘’Um, no I’m good.’’ Nagito mumbled.   
‘’Nagito, front of the class.’’ She commanded with the point of her long witch finger.

Nagito shuddered but followed her instructions, going to the front of the eager class with the note in his hand. 

‘’C’mon nagito, read it!’’ Akane shouted, the other kids starting to become more excited.  
‘’No dude, that’s your business. Eat it!’’ Fuyuhiko argued.   
‘’He’s right! Eat it!!’’ Souda joined in.   
‘’I’m not eating this!’’ Nagito exclaimed, holding the paper up.  
‘’I will!’’ A female voice called out, and there she was, Sonia nevermind. A crazy bastard, but at least she could get the job done.  
‘’No you won’t.’’ The teacher warned her, but she was already grabbing it from Nagito’s hands.  
‘’Sonia, you give that note to me.’’ Mrs. Brett called out, but before she could do anything the paper was already in her mouth being chewed.

Crunchity monchity and just like that it was gone.

‘’I see, the dark queen was able to banish the paper fiend from this mortal realm. Good grief.’’ Gundham groaned. 

The teacher groaned and stomped to the front of the class, making all the students walk   
Quickly back to their seats.  
‘’Just for that, there is an assignment due next Friday for the Career fair. Select a job and fill out the assigned questions I'm writing on the board. There shall be no talking for the rest of the period.’’ 

Nagito sighed but listened to the instructions.

This was going to be a difficult task, but with the power of wikipedia and insane amounts of caffeine Nagito was sure he was going to be fine.

Well, semi-sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know, short chapter but the next two will be conjoined and will be about the career fair and the struggles behind it aswell as memes.   
> (Nagito in the next two chapters will be based on what I chose for the career fair because I feel like he could possibly relate to what I chose so you'll see then what he's gonna choose!!
> 
> Next update will be out most likely Thursday, or early friday, so see ya then~


	4. Bean encouragement and the power of books

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nagito doesn't know what he wants to be and the project is due in a week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A long one, this one is split into two chapters! I hope you enjoy it!

The day was friday, three days had gone by and Nagito had yet to choose his career.

‘’Maybe I’ll be a biochemist…’’ He suggested out loud to himself at lunch, prompting Hajime to look over at him quizzically.

‘’You? In a lab with micro organisms and chemicals? You’re joking right?’’ He judged Nagito, ending his so-called question with the slurp of his straw.

‘’Well I don’t know. What about you Hajime? How’s studying the working hours of a deviant art employee going?’’ Nagito asked, a smirk on his face as he took a bite of his stew.  
MM the sweet taste of boiled potatoes and an extremely unhealthy amount of salt.

‘’C’mon even that joke was dry.The fair is next week, you’ve gotta think of something.’’ Hajime noted like a best friend would in a musical. Unfortunately he was still right.

‘’I mean, I could be a climate change analyzer.’’ Nagito said, still unsure.

‘’Isn’t the thought of the world going to shit because of climate change like your number one fear?’’ Hajime asked, or more like reminded.

‘’It is, thanks for reminding me.’’ Nagito froze, before calming down.  
‘’Right, why don’t you go ask Chiaki, she wants to be a game developer. Maybe she could give you some ideas.’’ Hajime suggested.

‘’We both know Chiaki just wants to talk about breath of the wild right now.’’ Nagito reminded him with a glare.

‘’Well then what about um, Mahiru she could help you!’’ Hajime panicked, he was starting to run out of ideas.

‘’She’ll kill me if I delay her work progress though.’’ Nagito stated.

‘’There’s still that one kid in the other class who could be of use.. But he’s a bit.. Dumb..’’ Hajime trailed off.

‘’I will literally take any help.’’ Nagito pleaded, dropping his spoon into his stew.

‘’Alright, over at the table on the end in the group of kids there is one named kaito. Talk to him.’’ Hajime told Nagito who eagerly nodded.

‘’Thanks!’’ Nagito said, running off in the direction of the table.  
Hajime sighed into his orange juice, he really was becoming an npc.

Nagito peered over the tables in the back of the class, this had to be it.  
He strolled up to the table, arms behind his back.

‘’What is it now Nagi toe.’’Kokichi asked, turning around in his chair to look at him.  
‘’I’m looking for someone named kaito? Know em?’’ Nagito asked.

‘’Unfortunately I do, he’s over there beside shuichi.Bleh.’’ Kokichi ‘’gagged’’ as he pointed across the long table.

Nagito nodded, walking over to the end of the table, seeing a couple of the kids in an argument.   
It was apparently Kaede and perhaps Kaito against Shuichi and a girl he didn’t recognize. 

‘’The webkinz killer doesn’t exist! It’s just a creepypasta someone made to get people off the site!’’   
‘’If that’s true then why is my webkinz sick all the time? The doctor isn’t healing them, he’s trying to kill them faster!’’ 

‘’Maybe if you actually fed and took care of your webkinz this wouldn’t be a problem, Kaito!’’   
The girl spat at a young teen wearing a purple jacket, supposedly Kaito.  
‘’Excuse me?’’ Nagito asked, stopping their argument.

‘’We’re kinda busy right now.’’ The girl told him, sending a death glare to the guy across from her.  
‘’Not now Maki, hold on.’’ Kaito said, before turning his way.  
‘’What is it?’’   
‘’Um, I was told by Hajime to come to you for help? It’s about the career education project.’’ Nagito told him, standing awkwardly at the table.   
‘’OOO I can help!!! First you gotta think about what makes you passionate.’’ Kaito recited as if he was reading off cards.  
‘’Alright…’’   
‘’Then play the elimination game! What would you prefer doing over the rest? Why? What makes it better? If you could only do one thing what would you choose? Stuff like that is how you decide unless you have a talent in something already.’’ Kaito blabbered on, but Nagito had already begun tuning him out.  
Shuichi pulled on Nagito’s sleeve awkwardly, bringing him closer to the table.  
‘’Just use an online generator, it’s easier to just do that and lie then whatever mission Kaito is going to send you on.’’ He whispered into Nagito’s ear.

Nagito chuckled at his actions, nodding his head slightly.

‘’Right Kaito, I’ll do whatever you said.’’ Nagito lied, running back to his table.

Hajime was still sitting at their table, talking to Akane when Nagito returned to his seat.  
‘’Hey nagito, do you think I can eat this entire container of coffee beans without getting sick?’’ She asked him, pointing to a large container of beans.  
‘’Akane, Jesus christ no, but it would also be funny…’’ Nagito trailed off, putting his hand into his pocket. This opportunity could never be shown again.  
‘’I’ll pay you two dollars to eat that entire container in front of a teacher.’’ Nagito told her, pulling out two coins.  
‘’Make it five and I’ll try to have a conversation while doing it.’’ Akane told him.   
Nagito frowned, looking over at Hajime who rolled his eyes and stuffed his hands into his pockets.  
Hajime pulled out a five dollar bill, prompting Nagito to put his change back into his pockets.  
He gave it to Akane who snatched it up quickly.

‘’Watch this.’’ She told them, picking up the container before walking over to the teachers desk.  
Nagito was distracted by another container hitting his table, the container belonging to Gundham.  
‘’Do you mortals mind if I sit here? The pink haired demon is disrupting the peace and testing my patience.’’   
‘’Nah it’s good.’’ Hajime said, still not turning around.  
‘’What is it that peaks your interest that you cannot look evil in the eyes?’’   
‘’Akane is going to eat an entire container of coffee beans while talking to the teacher, right now she’s trying to open the seal.’’   
‘’What??’’ Gundham said, standing up from where he was sitting but not going anywhere.   
‘’I know, we paid her five dollars and she can’t even get the seal open, wait nevermind she got it.’’ Hajime said.  
Nagito looked over at the girl, who was scooping up coffee beans in front of a horrified teacher.

‘’Anyways, that’s when I said it’s gotta be the meat on the bone, but they were all like ‘’no… there’s no way!’’ Akane blabbered on, stuffing coffee beans into her mouth.   
She chewed very loudly, smacking her lips.  
‘’Akane, I don’t think that’s good for you to be eating so many of those.’’ The teacher, ms. polvis warned her.   
‘’No i’m sure it’s- oh no… I gotta go..’’ Akane groaned, holding her stomach as she ran out of the classroom.  
‘’Ah c’mon, she only ate three quarters. There goes the five dollars.’’ Hajime rolled his eyes as he turned back to the table.  
‘’No, you foolish mortal. This is my destiny, I know what I have to do.’’ Gundham said, slamming his fists on the table as he stormed over to the teacher’s desk.

‘’He’s going to die.’’ Nagito muttered, turning back to watch the scene unfold.  
‘’Yep.’’ Hajime answered, giving nagito a piece of gum out of the packet he’s holding.  
‘’Are we going to tell him that?’’ Nagito said, popping the gum into his mouth.  
‘’Nope.’’ Hajime chuckled, putting his own piece of gum into his mouth.

‘’Finally, I shall banish you from this realm just like the fiery spirit tried to do before me, only this time I will SUCCEED.’’ Gundham said, alarming the teacher who sat in shock. 

Gundham took a handful of the beans, shoveling them into his mouth. He cringed but continued chewing, the crunch of the beans being quite loud.   
He choked back for a second before swallowing the first handful before going in for the last.  
‘’Delightful weather the angels have blessed us with, right?’’ He said before he put the last handful in his mouth.  
He chewed diligently, crunching away on the coffee beans, before coming to an abrupt stop.   
‘’Gundham? Are you alright?’’ The teacher asked, concerned.

See, the thing about eating an excessive amount of coffee beans is the laxative effect it can have on your stomach. Normally, if you were drinking coffee it would only be a mild diuretic, something you could ignore, but these were whole coffee beans, not diluted by water. 

‘’I must continue!’’ Gundham shouted through his mouth full of half chewed beans, but his face paled.  
‘’C’mon! You can do it Gundham!’’ Hajime cheered, causing Nagito to look at him.  
Nagito rolled his eyes before joining in with cheers of encouragement.  
‘’Those are the only beans left, all you have to do is swallow them!’’   
Before they knew it, Sonia, Souda (surprisingly) Ibuki and some of the younger kids joined in with the cheers.  
‘’You can do it dude!’’   
‘’It’s only a couple of beans!!’’  
‘’Destroy the beans!’’  
Gundham nodded, chewing with an insane amount of force.   
He lifted his head to the sky and swallowed, earning a couple of claps from students.  
‘’I feel sick.’’ He said, before turning and running out of the classroom.

‘’At Least he did it.’’ Hajime said, turning back to the table now that the ‘’show’’ was over.  
‘’Yeah I guess.’’ Nagito said, putting his head in his hands.  
‘’Did you get any helpful advice for the project?’’ Hajime asked, blowing a bubble with his gum.  
‘’I think I did, but it was from Shuichi.’’ Nagito said, rolling his eyes as he remembered Kaito’s bubbly response.  
‘’Yeah, that makes sense.’’ 

Nagito walked to his house after school, briefly stopping to admire the running creek outside his house.  
He still had no idea what he wanted to be.

It didn’t actually matter, so why was choosing so hard for him? It wasn’t like he was being chosen as the next Jesus and everything he says or does matters from now on.   
It was just a dumb project that made up 40% of his grade this term.

Oh yeah. It made up 40% of his fucking grade.

He sighed, turning the key in his door lock. Opening the door before one of the neighbours could step outside and ask him how he was.  
‘’This is how I enter my house.’’ He said to himself, as he entered and closed the door behind him.  
‘’WHAT’S UP FUCKERS?’’ he shouted, knowing that there would most likely be a noise complaint later on he’d have to deal with.  
Of course, there was no one but him in his house, due to his amazing, totally not deadly, talent.

He flicked on the light to the stairs as he crawled his way up them to his room.  
‘’Nap time.’’ He whispered as he opened his door, chucking his backpack and binder onto the floor.   
Nagito leaped onto his bed, landing on a book he forgot to put away before falling asleep.  
‘’Ow, fuck.’’ he said groaning as he picked up the book.  
It was a book about editing software he picked up from the library a couple of days before.  
‘’Wait a minute. I know what I could be!’’ Nagito exclaimed, even though no one was listening.  
He chucked the book off the bed, tucking himself in.  
Nagito opened his phone, ignoring the text from Hajime and Mahiru, opening google instead.  
‘’Search Graphic designer.’’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've recently been told that i'm not going back to school so I'll have more time to write when i'm not busy doing zoom or my online homework :)
> 
> Anyways I hope you enjoyed this one because these chapters are posted back-to-back!!   
> Epic!


	5. Spaghetti education and the power to cut a bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day before the career fair as well as the career fair.  
> Nagito needs to learn to get his shit together.

Nagito felt ridiculous, which was dumb considering literally no one was judging him for his chosen career.  
Still, the feeling remained, tightening in his chest for some reason.  
It was Thursday, for the past week Nagito had been working on his project, just barely finishing the board before it was science class.  
He ignored the teacher blabbering on about Quarks and elementary particles and their purpose, though it didn’t matter as Nagito learned these things in grade 8.

Across from him sat Souda, sleeping with his head leaning against his binder. Surprisingly, the teacher hadn’t already noticed him.  
He really shouldn’t sleep in a class as important as this, especially considering his grades.

Souda’s bright red binder was what really caught his attention.  
He had written the words ‘’I love yeet.’’ along with ‘’yeet’’ all over it, as if it was a shrine for the fallen vine.  
However, this is where his genius fell short.  
Falling asleep in a vulnerable position like this? Foolish.  
‘’Hey fuyuhiko..’’ Nagito whispered to his friend sitting across from him.  
‘’What is it this time, Nagito?’’ Fuyuhiko whispered back, writing notes.  
‘’Can I borrow your black marker?’’ Nagito whispered, a devilish smile forming on his face.  
Fuyuhiko responded by chucking a crayola black marker towards Nagito's face, but it fell short and instead hit the desk.  
Nagito ignored it, grabbing the marker in his hand.  
He opened the cap and went to work, turning the ‘’Y’’ on the yeets to an F.  
That’s right, Souda’s binder no longer said ‘’I love yeet,’’ Instead saying ‘’I love feet.’’  
Sometimes things have to be done, and this was just one of them.

‘’Alright everyone, that’s it for today. I expect these questions to be done by tomorrow’s class.’’ The teacher called as she handed out worksheets.

Nagito grabbed his paper and stuffed it in his binders before shaking Souda awake.  
‘’It’s time to go dude.’’  
‘’Oh, okay thanks.’’ Souda groaned, getting up from his position.  
‘’The pleasures all mine.’’ Nagito smiled before leaving the class to catch up with Hajime and Fuyuhiko. 

He ran through the hall before finally finding the two at their lockers.  
‘’What did you do this time.’’ Hajime asked him, reaching for his backpack inside his locker.  
‘’How did you know?’’Nagito asked, surprised.  
‘’It’s always something with you.’’ Hajime deadpanned, taking off his shoes.  
‘’I know but hey…’’ Nagito chuckled, opening his locker.  
‘’What are you planning to do after school?’’ Nagito asked his friends.  
‘’Listen to Taylor swift and cyberbully kids.’’ Fuyuhiko answered first, already putting his backpack on.  
‘’Destroy children in minecraft and practice my peace signs in the mirror.’’ Hajime responded after him, pulling his backpack to his shoulders.  
‘’I love that you both decided ‘’fuck em kids.’’ Couldn’t agree more.’’ Nagito stated, grabbing his own backpack before locking his locker.  
‘’What are you doing?’’ Hajime asked, waiting for him to get his shoes.  
‘’I’m going to rewatch It and quote all of the lines I know until I fall asleep.’’ Nagito answered, going over to the shoe rack to grab his shoes.  
Something that always bothered Nagito was the school’s need for indoor and outdoor shoes, as if the hallways weren’t already dirty.  
‘’That’s… definitely something I could imagine you doing.’’ Fuyuhiko trailed off, Hajime probably silently agreeing with him.  
Nagito joined the two by the exit, finally leaving the hellhole for the next day.

‘’Alright, see you guys tomorrow for the fair.’’ Fuyuhiko said, waving as he went to join Peko.  
‘’Bye!’’ The two replied, walking down the road from the school.  
‘’Nagito, be honest with me...’’ Hajime trailed off unexpectedly.  
‘’Um okay?’’ Nagito said, awkwardly as he gripped the straps of his backpack.  
‘’Is my minecraft skin really goofy looking or is Chiaki just playin with me.’’ Hajime asked him.  
‘’This is what you're asking me? God I thought you were about to ask me the proper way to make cereal.’’ Nagito laughed.  
‘’I’m not joking, answer the fucking question Nagito.’’ Hajime said in a serious tone as they continued walking downtown.  
‘’It’s an alright skin, but you gotta use some color theory on that bad boy or he’s gonna look like a flat steve.’’ Nagito told him honestly.  
‘’Wow, i’m heartbroken, but I’ll take that into consideration.’’ Hajime pouted before they crossed the road.  
‘’Welp, I’ll see you tomorrow Hajime.’’ Nagito told him, turning the opposite way.  
‘’Yep! Remember to bring your stuff for the career fair tomorrow.’’ Hajime reminded him before he waved, continuing to walk down the road.  
‘’Will do! Cya!’’ Nagito called out, beginning to walk down the other side of the road.

Nagito huffed, pulling his binder strap up on his shoulders holding the binder itself like a satchel.  
Then he ran, or more wobbled to his house.  
By the time he got to the door he was out of breath.  
‘’It was like three minutes. Holy shit I’m out of shape.’’ He huffed, unlocking the door to his houses.  
He entered the small house, plopping his binder on the floor by the door along with his backpack.  
Then he slammed the door shut, running into the kitchen.  
Nagito turned on the yellow light, making his white kitchen seem somehow more used like it should be in a home.  
‘’Making me a sandwich.’’ Nagito sang to himself, which if someone broke in randomly right now, would probably confuse the shit out of them.  
He opened the bread which had partially dried out due to him not knowing how to properly close the goddamn do- bread.  
Then he reached into the gray cabinets pulling out a container of smooth peanut butter, plopping it onto the counter.  
Nagito twirled, opening the fridge to grab his jar of strawberry jam.  
‘’Fuck.’’ Nagito huffed, seeing the jar was empty.  
‘’What kind of idiot would put this back in the fucking fridge if it was empty.’’ He groaned, grabbing his wallet off of the top of the fridge.  
‘’Oh yea, me.’’ Nagito rolled his eyes as he chucked the empty jar into the garbage.  
He left his house fairly quickly, remembering to lock the door behind him before running to the closest grocery store.

Nagito flew into the store with open arms, not wasting any time in looking for the jam.  
He snuck aisle by aisle trying to avoid anyone that might question him, so mainly old people looking to argue.  
Then he saw her, the most perfect one in the universe. It was as if all of the ignorance that was blinding him previously disappeared as his eyes landed on her. The air turned warm, Nagito felt an eruption in his chest.  
‘’You’re perfect.’’  
The large jar of jam sat unknowingly on the shelf, like most jars do, this time it was a buy one get one free sale for jam and peanut butter.  
Nagito smiled to himself as he grabbed strawberry jam as well as his favorite brand of peanut butter off the shelf.  
‘’What could be better than this.’’ He asked himself, heading towards the checkout.  
Before he could get very far he recognized a familiar hand on his jacket.  
He jumped, almost letting go of the jam as he turned around.  
‘’Hey Nagito.’’ Kokichi whispered, but the smile on his face was all too familiar.  
‘’You bastard! You scared the crap out of me.’’ Nagito huffed, clutching the items to his chest.  
‘’Oh that’s good, that was like the whole point.’’ Kokichi rolled his eyes as he grabbed candy off of a shelf.  
‘’What is it that you want son, I’m kinda busy.’’ Nagito frowned, standing awkwardly in front of the aisle.  
‘’Chill out dude, your minecraft boyfriend can wait a second. Anyways I’m just here to get the essentials, Candy, the gum that shuichi likes, a life.’’ Kokichi pretended to list off with his fingers.  
‘’Whatever then.’’ Nagito rolled his eyes, begging for a way out of this conversation.  
‘’Please tell me you aren’t eating peanut butter and jam again Nagito.’’ Kokichi whined as he looked at the items he was holding.  
‘’No comment.’’ Nagito brushed it off.  
‘’Goddamn it Nagito, you actually have to eat like REAL food now and again.’’ Kokichi told him as he crossed his arms dramatically.  
‘’Says the one buying Candy. I see that snickers bar, you aren’t fooling anyone.’’ Nagito noted, pointing at the bar Kokichi had behind his back.  
‘’I still eat other food, Nagito. I'm actually being serious for once. You have to eat something else or you’ll never be big and strong like me, the best leader there is.’’ Kokichi frowned.  
‘’Fine, I’ll eat something else.’’ Nagito huffed as he thought about the bread he left open on his counter.  
‘’Right, go get yourself some noodles and I’ll have Shuichi bring over some sauce.’’ Kokichi told him.  
‘’What do you-’’ Nagito asked before he was pushed down the aisle by Kokichi.  
‘’No buts! Go get those noodles.’’ Kokichi groaned.

Nagito trudged over to the Pasta section of the aisle, grabbing the most appealing looking spaghetti noodles he could find.  
He would admit, he had been awhile since he actually ate pasta.

As dramatic as possible he wobbled back to kokichi who was still leaning up against the shelf, seemingly texting someone.  
Kokichi slipped his phone back into his pocket as Nagito got closer.  
‘’You got the noodles?’’ He asked, looking over at Nagito’s hand.  
‘’Yep.’’ Nagito sighed.  
‘’Alrighty then, I texted Shuichi your address, he’ll be over in forty minutes.’’ Kokichi told him.  
Nagito nodded, walking up the cashier.  
‘’Hey I appreciate your effort to keep my life together.’’ Nagito said awkwardly, ignoring the look of the cashier as she scanned his items.  
‘’Someone’s gotta do it.’’ Kokichi smiled as he plopped his snickers bar and gum down next to Nagito's items, separated by a divider.  
He simply rolled his eyes and smiled, paying for his items.  
‘’I’ve gotta go get there before Shuichi does. See ya at school.’’ Nagito told Kokichi, flashing his finger guns before sprinting to the exit.  
‘’Cya!’’

He made it home twenty minutes before Shuichi was supposed to be there, giving him enough time to turn on the water for his noodles.  
‘’I don’t know how I can mess this up, but I’m begging for it not to happen anyways.’’ Nagito whispered, pulling out his phone as he waited for the water to boil.  
He scrolled through a couple of worm memes before noticing the water beginning to boil.  
Nagito grabbed a pinch of salt, sprinkling it into the water for good measure.  
Then he dumped in the noodles, only having to pick up a couple from the floor. 

‘’I’m a master chief.’’ he whispered to himself before there was a knock on his door.  
He skipped over to the door, opening it to see a nervous Shuichi with a black cap.  
‘’You brought the sauce!’’ Nagito exclaimed as he saw the bag the younger teen was carrying.  
‘’I did! Kokichi told me you haven’t been eating right so Rantaro and Kaede helped me make the sauce.’’ Shuichi explained.  
‘’He really did all that, wow, but why were Rantaro and Kaede there?’’ Nagito asked him.  
‘’We were trying to figure out how to ‘’set up’’ Maki and Kaito, they said they needed my detective skills.’’ Shuichi told him with a slight tint on his cheeks.  
‘’Oh, that makes sense considering your ultimate.’’ Nagito told him.  
‘’It’s not really an ultimate, just a coincidence really..’’ Shuichi said, trying to deflect the compliment.  
‘’C’mon, who found out who was putting their feet on all the father’s promise books.’’ Nagito told him.  
‘’Me..’’  
‘’And who found out what Chiaki accidentally snorted in her sleep.’’  
‘’That was mikan.’’  
‘’Shit sorry, but you get the point, you were the one that looked from a detective’s perspective. Without your help we wouldn’t have known what the hell was wrong with her or how Mikan could help! That’s gotta mean something.’’ Nagito reassured him.  
‘’Thanks Nagito..’’ Shuichi smiled, pulling down his hat to cover his face.  
‘’Well, I gotta go check on my noodles, see you at school tomorrow dude.’’ Nagito told him.  
‘’Bye.’’ Shuichi waved, turning around before disappearing around the corner.  
Nagito closed the door behind him, careful not to drop the bag of semi- frozen sauce.

He skipped back to the kitchen, putting the sauce into a bowl before putting it in the microwave.  
Scooping up a piece of noodle he tested the taste, deciding to keep the noodles on for another couple of minutes because of the texture.  
He paced hungrily around the kitchen, peering out the small window above his sink. The sun had already gone down.  
Nagito panicked, checking his phone only to see that it was only seven o’clock.  
Time sure does pass when you aren’t in school and don’t want to pass away at the sight of a math test.

The microwave beeped, bringing him out of his thought process.  
He could smell the sweet sauce, giving him the motivation to open the microwave and put it on the counter.  
Realizing his noodles were probably done, he turned off the stove.  
Nagito dumped the noodles into the drainer he had lined up in the sink, failing to catch a couple of loose noodles.

He poured the sauce on his noodles, eating the food fairly quickly in order to have time to do his homework.

Nagito had the energy (most likely from the first actual meal he’s had in a week) to finish his science work, as well as math homework before having a shower before bed.  
The only problem was when Nagito got up.  
It was friday, the day of the Career fair.  
The fair took up three blocks in the morning, giving them time to set up and prepare for the crowds of people to flood the gym.

Nagito wore the same thing he wore everyday, afterall, most graphic designers are freelanced and wear non professional clothes while they work anyways.  
As he arrived at school the teacher gave him an unimpressed look but he ignored it, obviously someone didn’t do their research.  
He grabbed his board, putting it beside Hajime and Souda’s.  
Nagito looked a little silly next to a local farmer and an engineer but he didn’t think too much about it, afterall it was just something he would forget a year from now.  
Hopefully.  
The setting up period was over and Nagito sat at his table next to the other two.  
‘’What’s the best minecraft parody.’’ Nagito asked Hajime and fuyuhiko as they waited for the kids to come up to their table.  
‘’Take back the night.’’ Hajime answered immediately.  
‘’Probably mining.’’ Souda stated, drawing a cat as they waited.  
‘’Wow i’m so surprised that neither of you said screw the nether.’’ Nagito huffed.  
‘’You just pulled that out of a corner of my brain I didn’t know I had.’’ Hajime winced.  
‘’Graphic designer? That’s pretty cool.’’ A little kid said standing in front of Nagito.  
‘’T-thank you.’’ Nagito stammered as the kid walked off.  
‘’What about me? I make cars!’’ Souda exclaimed.  
‘’Yeah but graphic designers make those funny memes…’’ Hajime puffed.  
‘’Hell yeah they do.’’ Nagito chuckled.

Nagito groaned, he had been sitting there for an hour already but it felt like years.  
Sure, some kids did come by and ask a few questions but other than that they just had to sit there and wait. Soon enough the gym began clearing out.

‘’Alright everyone, that’s it for today. Pack up your boards and stack them on the table by the door.’’ The teacher told the highschoolers,who cheered eagerly. 

Nagito jumped up, almost falling flat on his ass from lack of balance.  
‘’Thank god, I don’t think my back would’ve survived another hour.’’ Souda groaned, picking up his board.  
‘’Suing the school for damaging my back challenge.’’ Hajime said, sticking up a peace sign.  
‘’Actually I don’t think you could sue them for that.’’ Souda exclaimed, starting an argument between the two of them.  
Nagito ignored their banter, grabbing his board to put away.  
He stumbled towards the crowd of people around the table, recognizing Kaede and Rantaro talking off to the side.

Nagito put his board on top of someone by the name ‘’Miu’’ before making his way over to the two.  
‘’Look who it is! The man of the hour.’’ Rantaro cheered as he stood in front of the two of them.  
‘’The man of the hour alright, feels like it’s been three by the state of my legs.’’ Nagito groaned, stretching his legs as emphasis.  
‘’Cheer up Nagito! It was fun to look around and see all of our classmates working so hard!’’ Kaede chirped happily.  
‘’Did you like the sauce?’’ Rantaro asked him, leaning against the brown table they were beside.  
‘’Yeah it was really good actually, thanks man.’’ Nagito smiled.  
‘’It was my thirteen year old sister’s recipe. She’s really good at cooking.’’ Rantaro rambled.  
‘’Do you think she’s the ultimate chef?’’ Nagito asked him.  
‘’Of course! I can’t wait for her to meet other chefs just like her, I think it could expand her talent.’’ Rantaro exclaimed happily.  
‘’I don’t think that’s a good idea… Not with teruteru running around.’’ Nagito whispered.  
‘’If he even goes near my sister I will cut a bitch.’’ Rantaro smiled, but it was more sadistic at this point.  
‘’Right, well I’m gonna go talk to Hajime now. Cya.’’ Nagito told him, walking away from the table to find his friend.  
Hajime was over by the garbage with Souda and fuyuhiko.  
‘’It’s me!’’ Nagito said as he ran over to the trash.  
‘’We know.’’ Fuyuhiko nodded, looking over to Souda who had his hand in the trash.  
‘’What the hell is he doing?’’ Nagito asked, pointing over at him.  
‘’He thought he saw something funny but he lost it.’’ Hajime groaned, wiping his face from any expression.  
‘’I’m sure it was in here!’’ Souda groaned, but he must’ve given up as he took his hand out of the trash.  
‘’Sure… Just like the interest girls had in you, such a little amount now in the trash.’’ Fuyuhiko snapped back.  
‘’Wow, that was cold. Just like your heart.’’ Souda replied, wiping his hand off on the wall.  
‘’Are you guys ready? It’s science class.’’ Hajime said, looking at his watch.  
‘’Let’s go.’’ 

‘’WHY IS THERE FEET ON MY BINDER?!?’’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it for now! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, if you did please let me know! I really do appreciate comments, anyways I'll see you next saturday for another chapter.
> 
> Clues for what it's going to be about?  
> Grade nine students and a ski trip


	6. The circus goes to a ski-lodge but maybe the clowns were the friends we made along the way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trip to the ski-lodge.  
> Very short but I'll explain why.

Meanwhile, in the grade eight class, they were preparing for a deadly fight.  
SIKE, but not really.

Kokichi groaned as he plopped against his desk.  
‘’Alright everyone, close your eyes and put your hands together. I want to lead us in prayer before our trip.’’ The teacher announced at the front of the class.  
For clarification, the class of grade nine were going on a field trip to a snow lodge to go skiing, or as they joked ‘’gracefully falling flat on our asses.’’  
He rolled his eyes, firmly clasping his hands together on top of the desk.  
Then, sneaking a quick glance to the other side of the class he closed his eyes.  
‘’May we have a nice quiet trip to the snow lodge as well as being lucky enough to have no accidents or injuries.’’   
A loud snort caused Kokichi to open his eyes, looking over to who it came from.  
It was kaito, honestly he should’ve expected that.  
‘’I don’t need luck.’’ he said, causing the teacher to give him a disapproving look, making him shut his mouth.  
‘’Anyways, I also hope we can get there and back safely, in christ’s name amen.’’ the teacher finished quickly before clasping her hands together.  
Kokichi jumped up from his seat, hurrying to the front of the class like everyone else. The teacher held them up at the door.  
‘’I want two to a seat, you have ten minutes to get on the bus from this point on.’’ The teacher told them before opening the door.  
The class basically ran through the corridor to get a good spot on the bus.  
Kokichi dashed to the front, opening the door in a frenzy to get to the back.  
Everyone knows that the back of the bus is the best spot, considering the annoying teachers usually sit closer to the front of the bus to talk to the driver.  
He waited for the bus doors to open, climbing up the stairs like a goblin on all fours when they were.   
The bus driver snorted in response, this is normal by now.  
Kokichi was the first one on, claiming the second last seat.  
He glanced over the seat, seeing Shuichi walking down the aisle.  
‘’Hello my bride.’’ Kokichi called out into the aisle.  
The taller boy rolled his eyes, but he continued walking until he was in front of Kokichi’s seat.  
‘’Can I sit with you?’’ Shuichi asked, holding a steaming cup.  
‘’Sorry, but we’re pretty full.’’ Kokichi said, spreading out on the seat.   
‘’I have gum.’’   
‘’You can have the window!’’ Kokichi smiled, getting out of the seat.  
Shuichi slid against the window, giving Kokichi over half of the seat to get creative with.  
‘’Are you excited?’’ Kokichi asked him as he waited for the gum.  
‘’Excited for what? I’m not going skiing.’’ Shuichi reminded him as he dropped a piece of gum into the smaller boy’s hand.  
‘’Seeing me all day of course!’’ Kokichi giggled, throwing the gum into his mouth.  
‘’Yay…..’’ Shuichi groaned into his hands.   
‘’Wow, I’m heartbroken. Oh look! There’s Kaede and Rantaro right now!’’ Kokichi pointed out over the seat.   
Kaede and Rantaro sat in the seat in front of them, Kaede giving Shuichi a sorry look.   
‘’I heard we’re going to go through the city, we’ll see costco.’’ Rantaro mentioned, triggering kokichi’s interest.   
‘’If I fall asleep and don’t get to see costco, i am telling you now, I will actually scream.’’   
‘’Then don’t fall asleep.’’ Shuichi suggested.  
‘’Meh, i’m not making any promises.’’ Kokichi shrugged before the teacher entered the bus.  
‘’Alright everyone! I’m going to say your name and when I do, you’re going to say here.’’ The teacher called out.  
Shuichi shuddered in the seat beside him.  
‘’What’s wrong?’’ Kokichi asked him.  
‘’I hate public speaking.’’ Shuichi groaned.  
‘’Kokichi Ouma?’’ The teacher called him.  
‘’Howdy!’’ Kokichi shouted, making a couple of his classmates roll their eyes.  
‘’Korekiyo?’’  
‘’Hewe’’ Korekiyo said, making both Kokichi and Shuichi cringe in their seats.  
Kokichi snapped his eyes shut, ignoring the teacher as he tried to drown out the sound.  
‘’I’ve got earbuds if you wanna listen to music.’’ Shuichi told him, holding up an earbud in his hand.  
‘’Sure, but if it’s mcr I will lose it.’’ Kokichi warned him, causing Shuichi to scramble to change the song.  
He put in the earbud just as the song changed, shooting Shuichi a ‘’are you serious.’’ glare as he listened to the song he put on.  
‘’Shuichi Saihara?’’   
‘’Oh um I- here!’’ Shuichi stuttered, his face turning a bright red.  
‘’Smooth.’’ Kokichi snickered.  
‘’Whatever, just go to sleep.’’ Shuichi muttered, turning to look out the window.   
‘’Why are the grade elevens here? I thought it was just us?’’ Kaede said, loud enough for them to hear.  
‘’Silly, it said on the forum that anyone grade nine and up could come.’’ Kokichi told her, leaning over the bus seat.  
‘’Well then, why aren’t there any grade tens?’’ She asked, looking over through the window.  
‘’Last time I checked they have a project due tomorrow so I don’t think it's in their best interest to come.’’ Rantaro spoke up from beside her.  
‘’I suppose so, at least we have one lucky man here.’’ Kokichi groaned, looking up at the front to see Makoto.   
‘’It’s probably better without the grade tens. I had a feeling if nagito got on this bus half of us wouldn’t be coming back.’’ Kaede shuddered, thinking of his talent of making people ‘’disappear’’.   
‘’Wow I can’t believe you would say such a cruel thing.’’ Kokichi chewed dramatically.   
‘’We’ve been sitting here for ten minutes.’’ Shuichi spoke up from their seat, making Kokichi turn around.  
‘’I guess you’re ri- oh it's moving.’’ Kokichi said, nearly flying out of the seat as the bus driver took off without hesitation. 

For most of the trip there Kokichi actually stayed quiet, plotting his plans to take over the world.   
Or atleast pass math class.  
Passing math class would probably be better at this point, because then he’d not only look smarter than Kaito but actually have a record to prove it.   
Yeah that could work, but then again, it wasn’t hard to look smarter than kaito.   
Have you seen the guy?  
Kokichi was interrupted by a poke in his side, he shrieked looking over at shuichi.   
‘’You said you wanted to see Costco.’’ He reminded him, pointing out the window.  
There it was, the beautiful building.   
Truth be told, nobody knew why he loved costco so much, but there was one reason.   
The shelves, or as I like to call them, the squash zones.

Kokichi rubbed at the window, pretending to be admiring the building as he leaned over Shuichi.   
‘’I love costco, what about you Shuichi. What do you like.’’ Kokichi asked him, pretending to care.  
‘’I’m more of an ikea guy myself.’’   
‘’Why did I let you sit with me again? I forgot.’’ Kokichi rolled his eyes as he pulled out his phone.  
‘’Whatever you say.’’   
‘’Look up.’’ Kokichi told him, taking a picture of Shuichi’s face.  
‘’What are you doing?’’ Shuichi asked him, looking at his phone.  
‘’I’m going to give you an all natural look.’’ Kokichi snickered as he opened his photos app.  
‘’Why don’t I trust you, oh yeah, it’s you.’’ Shuichi groaned, trying to take his phone away from him.  
‘’No touching!’’ Kokichi said, slapping his hand.  
Kokichi selected the color red, drawing two triangles under Shuichi's eyes, you probably know where he’s going with this.  
He scribbled a connection from Shuichi’s lips to the triangles in red.  
‘’There we go!’’ Kokichi exclaimed, showing shuichi his masterpiece.  
‘’You made me into a clown.. For what reason.’’ Shuichi asked him, shoving the phone out of his face.  
‘’I told you I was giving you an all natural look!’’ Kokichi reminded him, making Shuichi roll his eyes.

The rest of the trip was a bumpy ride, quite literally, the roads were slick with ice and snow.   
If Nagito had been there, they probably would’ve ended up in a ditch somewhere, not that anyone would be surprised.  
‘’Okay everyone, the people who are going skiing, head inside to the first warehouse. To the people who are staying inside, go up the stairs on the left and head inside the snow lodge. I do not want to see anyone walking about those hills without skis on. Do I make myself clear?’’   
‘’Yes.’’   
‘’Then let’s go.’’ The teacher said, getting off the bus first.  
‘’I wonder if they’ll have any good games!!’’ Kokichi squeaked as he stepped into the aisle.  
‘’Probably, a lot of schools come to this place.’’ Shuichi said, picking up his bag as he followed behind him.  
‘’Oh yeah, I hope we don’t run into anyone.’’ Kokichi shuddered.  
‘’We most likely will, but I don’t think we’re in the same room as them.’’ Shuichi noted, trying not to trip over the boots in the aisle.  
Kokichi stepped out into the frozen air.   
The snow lodge was booming with life, children everywhere, like hell but cold basically.  
He continued walking until he reached the front with the rest of his class, this is where they’d separate.   
At the front of the entrance there was a statue of a snowboarder, with a slight injury.  
‘’Who took his arm?’’ A voice said from the front, the voice belonging to Chihiro.   
‘’Oh shit, um hold on.’’ another voice said, this time Leon.   
He was trying to put the hollow statue's arm back on, meaning the idiot must have accidentally ripped it off.  
‘’How the hell did he manage that?’’ Maki said from beside him, either pissed off or amazed, you couldn’t really tell with her.  
‘’I think it was actually Mondo.’’ Tsumugi piped up from beside her.  
‘’That makes sense.’’ Maki retorted.  
Kokichi ignored the rest of their conversation, going up the thick black stairs.  
Shuichi most likely already went inside, so it was best for him to do the same.

-To be continued-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, as you notice there is a big -To be continued- this is because I still have to do all my homework and didn't have time to finish this week's chapter in time, it's also fairly bulky so It only makes sense to cut it into two different parts.  
> I promise next chapter will be longer, it also has a fight scene because we fought over a slime frog and I thought it was worth adding.
> 
> Cya hopefully before next sunday, but I can't make any promises!


	7. An apology from a confused writer

I FORGOT 

First of all, I want to apologize to anyone reading this currently whom of which have realized the story cuts off randomly, and will not have any closure for a while.   
Second of all I want to apologize for anyone who believed me when i said that I would be updating every week or so, I really tried to, but I was confronted by my demons  
who I THOUGHT couldn't swim but happened to of fucking trained for the Olympics or something because god they were fast. 

I will unfortunately cutting off this story until I have decided to continue my passion of writing weird crack fanfiction instead of practicing math problems and examples. I hope you understand that it wasn't because I didn't want to update but more so that I couldn't find any time to focus on my work and make it presentable enough for people online to see it. Either way, I wasn't going to put some half ass work out just for an update, I wasn't going to let that happen and I'm still not, so chances are this won't be updated till late july (Unless the Umbrella academy season two sucks me up.)

Until then my starved readers.   
<3

and oh my god if you actually read this shit good for you! I can't even take myself seriously sometimes.


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